Step into the delightful world of human resources humor with our irresistible collection of HR jokes tailored for working professionals who appreciate a good laugh. This collection features a wide array of amusing puns and one-liners that can inject much-needed levity into the workplace and break the ice among colleagues.
Whether you’re an HR professional looking for a chuckle or a busy employee seeking some comic relief, these jokes are the perfect pick-me-up for any office environment. So, join us on this laughter-filled journey, and let’s add a touch of humor to the daily grind, making the workplace a more enjoyable and lighthearted space for everyone.
Best HR Jokes
What do you call someone who can’t do anything?
Do you know what someone working in HR does after retiring?
Employee: Your careers page says the company offers a “competitive salary”. What does that mean exactly?
HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.
What’s the difference between a physicist and an HR department?
The way they pronounce “unionized.”
HR you going to finish that performance review?!
Do you know that we have a lot of jokes on HR?
Will let you know in sometime.
What does Dr. Frankenstein call the cemetery?
Did you hear about the other company’s HR who took the top 20 application folders from the pile and threw it in the trash?
Those people have bad luck. They don’t want people with bad luck.
HR: This is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential.
Employee: Don’t worry, I’m equally ashamed of it.
What is a joke that works on many levels?
Did you hear about the man who lost his job at the HR department for signing the complaints letters with his initials?
Apparently, it’s because his name is Tommy Lee Davis Richards.
Why did the crow take a job with HR?
Because it heard it could fire people with just caws.
HR Rep: I strongly encourage you to sign up for our company’s 401k.
Interviewee: (Gulp) Um, okay, but honestly… I don’t think I can run that far.
An employee’s monthly salary was typically 2500$. However, one month, he received 2700$ and decided to remain silent about the discrepancy. The following month, his paycheck only amounted to 2300$, prompting him to march directly to the HR Manager to voice his complaint.
The HR Manager, somewhat puzzled, inquired why there hadn’t been a complaint the previous month when an extra 200 had been received.
With a slight smirk, the individual responded, “I’m usually one to forgive the first mistake, but I simply can’t tolerate it when a second one is made.”
What sense is HR lacking?
A sense of humor.
What’s the most common disease in HR departments?
What’s another name for HR?
The fire department.
HR staff: Sir, we found 3 candidates that meet our general requirements, now how do you want their placements, sir?
HR Director: Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analyze the situation:
If they are counting the bricks, Put them in the Accounts dept.
If they are re-counting the bricks, Put them in Auditing.
If they have messed up the whole room with the bricks, Put them in Technical /Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, Put them in Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other, Put them in Operations.
If they are sleeping, Put them in Security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces, Put them in Information Technology.
If they are sitting idle, Put them in Human Resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, Put them in Sales.
If they have already left for the day, Put them in Marketing.
If they are staring out of the window, Put them in Strategic Planning.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been touched, Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
HR canceled our pajama Fridays.
Apparently the employee’s waifu pillow wasn’t work appropriate.
What is the HR department of a shipping company called?
“And what starting salary are you looking for?” a human resources officer asked a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology at the end of a job interview. The engineer responds, “In the region of $125,000 per year, depending on the benefits package.”
“Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund up to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years?” the interviewer asks. “How about a red Corvette?”
The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow!! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
What department do you not want to end up at in a corporation run by cannibals?
Why did the Pokemon company hire Squirtle as their new Human Resources manager?
It used to be Charmander but things tended to get heated. This new guy seems to have cooled things off!
An HR manager died after being hit by a bus. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where she was greeted by St. Peter.
“Before you get situated in,” he explained, “we have a small problem…We’ve never had a human resources manager make it this far before, and we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“Oh, I see,” the woman explained, “can’t you just let me in?”
“Well, I’d like to,” St Peter responded, “but I have higher orders.” We’ve been told to give you a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you may choose where you want to spend eternity.”
“Actually, I think I’d prefer heaven,” the woman said. “Sorry, we have rules,” St. Peter said as he lowered the HR manager into the elevator.
She stepped out onto a magnificent golf course as the doors of Hell opened. A country club could be seen in the distance, and all around her were many friends, previous colleagues, and cheerleaders. They rushed over to her, kissed her on both cheeks and talked about old times.
They played a flawless round of golf before heading to the country club for a delicious steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil (who was actually quite kind) and had a great time making jokes and dancing.
It was time to go before she realized it. As she stepped into the elevator, everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye. The elevator returned her to paradise, where St. Peter awaited her. “Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he declared.
So she spent the following 24 hours floating around on clouds, singing and playing the harp; it was almost as lovely as her day in Hell. St. Peter returned at the end of the day. “So you’ve spent a day in hell and a day in heaven,” he explained. “You must choose between the two.”
“Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell,” the woman said after a brief pause. “I choose Hell.”
As a result, St. Peter escorted her to the elevator once more, and she descended into hell. When the elevator doors opened, she found herself in a bleak wasteland covered in debris and dirt. She noticed her companions in rags picking up trash and putting it in old sacks. The Devil came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her.
“I don’t understand,” the HR manager stuttered. “I was here the other day, and there was a golf course and a country club.” We ate lobster, danced, and had a fantastic time. All that remains is a filthy wasteland of junk, and all of my friends appear unhappy.”
The Devil simply looked at her and smiled, “Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re staff.”
How many HR people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in, the other to investigate the lightbulb’s complaint it was touched inappropriately.
How does an HR professional end a relationship?
“Sorry, but we need to talk about your performance improvement plan.”
Recently, an employee was summoned to a meeting with HR at his workplace. The meeting was convened to discuss an incident involving a dare with a coworker, during which he had hurled a lamp at the coworker while yelling, “Lighten the fuck up”.
He candidly informed the HR representatives that it was merely a dare and not entirely his own doing.
In response, HR queried, “So, whose bright idea was it then?”
What’s an HR professional’s favorite hobby?
Filing – they just love putting everyone in their place!
A man appears in an interview for an entry-level position.
“We ran a quick background check on you,” says the HR Manager. “Your current manager claims that you lack technical and business skills. You arrive late to work every day, spend 3 hours on lunch/breaks, 2 hours on email, and the rest of the time on pointless meetings. Your coworkers also call you a liar, a manipulator, and a pain in the ass… We are unable to offer you entry-level employment in our organization as a result of your feedback.”
The candidate asks, “Are you rejecting me straight away?”
The HR Manager replies, “Umm.. No.. We are actually fast-tracking your application for a role in the middle management.”
Employee 1: Why don’t we see any HR personnel at work parties?
Employee 2: Be quiet, they’ll hear you. They lurk around in disguise, waiting for us to make a mistake.
“I proposed to my girlfriend last night, who just got promoted to an HR position earlier in the day.” said one friend to another.
The other man replied, “That is cool! What did she say?”
She said, “We will get back to you soon.”
Why do HR professionals make terrible comedians?
Because every time they try to tell a joke, they have to file three forms and hold a team meeting about it.
Why don’t HR professionals make good bakers?
Because they’re always shortening the staff!
An HR employee was sent an anonymous dick pic within the company network.
Right away, she called the Packaging Design Manager. The man was shocked. “How did you know it was me?!”
She pointed to the caption on the picture: “Enlarged to Show Texture”.
Why did the HR manager bring a band-aid to the meeting?
Because they heard there was a cut in benefits!
What’s an HR manager’s favorite type of math?
A woman filed sexual harassment to the HR Department.
Hot employee: Sir I would like to file a complaint for sexual harassment to my boss.
HR employee: So what did he do or say to you?
Hot employee: He said my hair smells sweet and lovely today.
HR employee: I don’t see a problem there. Aren’t you just overreacting a bit he just complimented that your hair smells good.
Hot employee: Ma’am!! You don’t understand my boss is a midget!
How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s ‘breaking news’?
But when you show pictures of yours it’s an ‘HR violation’.
What does the HR department at ISIS ensures?
That your career takes off and ends with a bang.
An old man applies for a job.
HR Manager: what’s your biggest weakness?
Old Man: My honesty!
HR Manager: I don’t think that’s a weakness.
Old Man: I don’t give a fuck what you think!
How do HR professionals stay safe during a zombie apocalypse?
Even zombies avoid paperwork!
Do you have another HR joke? Post your own jokes about Human Resources in the comment section below.